Physical limits

One of the first things I noticed after our son was born was that when he was breastfeeding, he had to pause between gulps of sweet sweet breast milk in order to pass gas. I would have thought that such basic bodily functions could easily be joined into one motor movement. So I tried it myself a couple of times, met with failure, then proposed to our friends that it was physically impossible (‘cause if I can’t do it after a couple of tries, parsimony says it’s impossible). Pushing out a fart requires some tension of the stomach muscles, which inhibits swallowing, was my rationale. Our friend Kevin was skeptical, and after two seconds of what could be called thought (he was nursing a decent hangover) he claimed that he could do it. Now, Kevin is one of the most athletic guys I know, so it wouldn’t surprise me if he could do something that me and my one month old son couldn’t do. The next weekend at his bachelor party, he claimed that he did it a few times. I didn’t see any proof but I thought about it a little more then figured out the strategy. For those dying to be enlightened, read on. You see, farting can last a good second or so, and during that time, after you’ve made that first critical push and maintained some muscle tension, you can free up your mind to tell your body to swallow. You can’t get a hernia doing this sort of stuff, right? That’s impossible.